Did you know that most women don’t get diagnosed with adhd until they’re in their 20s-30s? Meaning they go throughout their entire childhood and teenage years with undiagnosed adhd.
Yeah, I didn’t either until about a month ago.
I genuinely despised school growing up. Every assignment felt impossible. I could never understand or process anything I was being taught in classes. I felt incredibly stupid. So, I grew to hate school.
I told all the counselors and doctors I saw that I couldn’t focus. Everything felt overwhelming. Anxiety grew with each assignment that didn’t get turned in. But not a single counselor or doctor brought up adhd. Until I was 22.
I nearly laughed out loud when my therapist asked me “Have you ever been diagnosed with adhd?” Immediately I thought that having adhd would mean I’d be fidgeting and bouncing off the walls with energy. But, after talking with her I realized, oh. I think I do have adhd.
Finally, after 22 years, numerous health professionals, and countless medications, I was diagnosed with adhd. I felt like the biggest burden had been lifted off of me. But at the same time, I was upset. And angry.
I can recall nearly everything I was told growing up. I was lazy, unmotivated. I didn’t try hard enough. I was in a “slump” that I’d get through soon. If I went to church more I’d get better. I needed to push myself harder. All of these things have constantly been in the back of my head. From the moment I heard them.
Looking back, I was trying. I wasn’t lazy. I wasn’t unmotivated or in a momentary slump. To make light of things, my brain was basically a giant plate of scrambled eggs. And that’s not very easy to work with lol.
It gave a lot of clarity, though. I finally understood a lot of things I hadn’t ever before. So many things made sense. Those cartoons lightbulbs were going off every time I thought back to experiences I often had.
And here I am. Living in a small apartment with my hairless cat, relearning everything I’d previously thought about myself.
I mean I did say 2022 would be my year of healing. Next time I won’t manifest so loud.
